.::my tears::. [her tearsxother people cryxwashed out claneder] Kill Perseus [ her tears [x] falling away ] [ washed out calender [x] tears from her past ]

[08 Aug 2004|22:55pm] [ mood x content ] [ music x Ana's Song-Silverchair ] Home for awhile. Spent basically every waking minute since I've been home with him. I hate goodbyes. fighting the fears

[02 Jul 2004|01:10am] [ mood x creative ] [ music x Warehouse-Dave Matthews Band ] So... I clearly haven't updated in a long time. Here's the low down... Sort of... Got Highly Commended (Highest Award) on all my Step and Highland exams, save one (Commended, second highest award). Don't know what else to say really. My birthday was on the 18th. Went camping/caneoing twice in the last month or two... Erm... Nothing of much excitement really. Tomorrow morning I leave for the summer... Going to Will's for a few days (Fredricton), before going to the farm. Eventually off to Nova Scotia... And then... SCOTLAND! Then I'm home. I'm expecting emails from you all! ALL OF YOU! Haha... Have an awesome summer everyone! fighting the fears

[17 Apr 2004|18:51pm] [ mood x crazy ] [ music x Wild Horses-Rolling Stones ] Well, I had my step exam today. It went fairly well. A minor mistake, hardly noticable. I'm confident that I passed. I at least didn't have to re-dance it, like she made some other people do. Tonight I'm off to a movie with Jazz and maybe Meg. Not sure what we're gonna go see, but hey, it's all good. I'm exhausted. My legs hurt. Rick got a new car, yay! It's so cute! I love it. The rents are going to get Will's stuff (but not him? yeah, I don't understand either) and bring it home tomorrow. Luckily I got Lauren to say I could hang out with her all day, so that I don't spend 12 hours in a car with them. Thank God for her! That's basically all that's going on right now. Ttyl! fighting the fears

[11 Apr 2004|19:23pm] [ mood x creative ] [ music x Have You Seen Me Lately-Counting Crows ] Well, we meet again oh deadjournal! Happy Easter everyone, I hope your holiday is going well! I am sad that I was alone at Easter, and didn't have an Easter egg hunt, but oh well, it happens. Life is good right now, could be better, but everything could haha. I got my braces off for those of you that didn't know. How exciting. Anyway, I have nothing to really say, so I shall leave. Good times my friends. Oh yeah... I have nothing. Bye! 2twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

[18 Mar 2004|22:28pm] [ mood x bored ] [ music x Shines Right Through Me-Great Big Sea ] Hmmm... March Break, eh? Yes, it's that wonderful time of year again. Well, weekend before last was Provincials, in Barrie. I came in seventh overall. Pretty bad, but you know, whatever lol. Last weekend was OWG's in London. It was tres cool. Stayed with Shannon and chatted it up until four am the first night. W00t! The second night we rented Gothika, and the third Tali and Tom came in our room and we rented Kill Bill. Oh yeah, we're bad for breaking all the rules lol. Anyway, my racing pretty much sucked. Except my last race *evil laugh*. Anyway, I went to Will's for a few hours, then went and stayed at Tammi's. Bought a very hott dress, and a skirt and shirt and accesories and such. Spent 150$ Oh my, I'm so broke now. Not funny. Boo! Anyway, came home and such. Went to Steph's, then she came over last night, and tonight I did fuck all. Not sure of my plans for tomorrow. Two possibilities? Anywho, I'm out. fighting the fears

Bleh? [31 Jan 2004|16:16pm] [ mood x crazy ] [ music x Vicious Circle-Midday Blackout ] Yeah, I figure I should update because I haven't in awhile. School kinda sucks this semester. I hate three out of my four classes. Improv is going alright, but we're all kinda stressing since we're competing soon. Oh well, what can you do? Skating's alright, but I haven't done much since Improv is taking priority right now. Dance is basically the same deal. Matt's comming home on Tuesday. I think he's brining like six of his friends to stay with us. Should be interesting. Umm yeah, that's about all. I'm sick, so it's not too fun of a weekend. I might go stay at Talor's tonight, but I duno. I'm also going out with Denis tonight. Should be fun. Sooo yeah, that's all for now. 2twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

I'm Back...For Now. [14 Jan 2004|16:58pm] [ mood x blah ] [ music x Without Regrets-Feeling Left Out ] Well yes... Not in a good mood. Sorry for the non-updating-ness. Been busy and using my lj more. Last weekend I went to N.Y. Yay cold. This weekend I'm skating at a camp, next weekend competition, and the next weekend hopefully something else. Going out with Troy in case anyone didn't know yet. Kinda pissed cause our sports always conflict with each other. Oh well, it'll work out in some way... School is boring. Need new teacher for computers. How is she NOT dead? I'd like to know. Anyway, that's it for now I guess. 4twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

Resolutions [01 Jan 2004|15:15pm] [ mood x tired ] [ music x My Immortal-Evanescence ] Shannon was right, it is time for some New Years Resolutions. 1. Lose weight. 2. Train more. 3. Like training more. 4. Push myself. 5. Try new things. 6. Make new friends, keep in touch with friends, and fix broken friendships. 7. Bring average up. 8. Try not to be such a bitch. 9. Try to help people. 10. Not be such a failure. Well...some of those might not happen, but I will do the best I can. Happy New Year everyone. fighting the fears

Merry Christmas [25 Dec 2003|23:40pm] [ mood x happy ] [ music x Some Devil-Dave Matthews ] MERRY CHRISTMAS! One last kiss one only Then I'll let you go Hard for you I've fallen But you can't break my fall I'm broken don't break me When I hit the ground Some devil some angel Has got me to the bones You said always and forever Now I believe you baby You said always and forever Is such a long and lonely time Too drunk and still drinking It's just the way I feel It's alright Is what you told me Cause what we had was so beautiful But I feel heavy like floating At the bottom of the sea You said always and forever Now I believe you baby You said always and forever Is such a long and lonely time Some devil is stuck inside of me But I cannot set it free I wish, I wish I was dead and you're grieving Just so that you could know But some angel is stuck inside of me But I cannot set you free You said always and forever Now I believe you baby You said always and forever Such a long and lonely time Stuck inside of me Wow, this song is amazing. I don't know why, but it makes me happy. Well, I'm too lazy to talk about presents, so yeah. Merry Christmas! Hope everyone is having a great holiday! fighting the fears

[24 Dec 2003|22:06pm] [ mood x crappy ] [ music x Close Your Eyes-Edwin And The Pressure ] Well, tomorrow is Christmas, so if I don't update again Merry Christmas everyone!!! I hope you all have the best day ever =) If I were a month I would be: December If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday If I were a time of day I would be: Midnight If I were a planet I would be: Jupiter If I were a sea animal I would be: Orca If I were a direction I would be: North If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Four Poster Bed If I were a historical figure I would be: Neitzsche If I were a liquid I would be: Salt Water If I were a stone, I would be: Sandstone If I were a tree, I would be: Weeping Willow If I were a bird, I would be: Bald Eagle If I were a tool, I would be: Hammer If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Black Rose If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunderstorm If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Guitar(any kind) If I were an animal, I would be: Cat If I were a color, I would be: Black If I were an emotion, I would be: Mutual Love If I were a vegetable, I would be: Esparagus(haha Matt =P) If I were a sound, I would be: Crying If I were an element, I would be: Silver If I were a car, I would be: Hummer A2 If I were a song, I would be: Smells Like Teen Spirit-Tori Amos If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Tim Burton!! If I were a book, I would be written by: Tolkein If I were a food, I would be: Salad If I were a place, I would be: Murray River If I were a material, I would be: Red Silk If I were a taste, I would be: Summer Raindrop If I were a scent, I would be: Satsuma If I were a religion, I would be: Wicca If I were a word, I would be: Hate If I were an object, I would be: Glass If I were a body part I would be: Lips If I were a facial expression I would be: Solemness? If I were a subject in school I would be: English If I were a cartoon character I would be: Anestasia If I were a shape I would be: Rectangle If I were a number I would be: 17 2twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

[22 Dec 2003|23:34pm] [ mood x artistic ] [ music x I Kissed A Drunk Girl-Something Corporate ] Well let's see... Yesterday I went to a party at Joel's. I was one of the first ones there, so Mel and I went to see the chickens! It was so funny, the rooster cockadoodle-doo-ed for us! Haha... And Lauren and Joel gave me my present(s): a banana full of sugar, a banana, a card that says why banana's are better then men, and chocolate lmao... Good times at retreat... ;) Haha, so we were all at Joel's house out in the boonies. It's alot like the farm. I played Tony Hawk with Steve and Den. Den schooled me so bad lol. Then I went home and did mostly nothing. Didn't go out. I think I just watched TV. I can't really remember. Same with today. I layed around and watched TV. It feels good. I really needed this holiday. Scott sent me a present. Me. A. Present. He never sends us presents, just money. But he sent me both. I really wanna open it. I mean... you have no idea how curious I am about it. It's killing me. I WANNA KNOW DAMMIT! Lol. Hehe... Anywho, so I went to skating tonight. It was amazing. Brought back memories... Good ones... Ones I never want to forget... Well, I don't feel like writing anymore so... yeah. fighting the fears

The Last Two Days [19 Dec 2003|23:16pm] [ mood x blah ] [ music x Smells Like Teen Spirit-Tori Amos ] Well, let's see... The last few days have been crazy. My summative for Phys.Ed. got put back from yesterday to today, not a big extension, but it helped. So yesterday was my last day of class. WHEE! No more school for two weeks. I'm so relieved. After school we had the rehersal for the Holiday Review. They told us that they woulndn't have time for the Improv team to go that day, so everyone left but me because I stayed to talk to Jenn and Katie W. Then they decided that we were going to go, but since everyone was gone, they got pissed at us and so on. So I was about to leave a little while later, but then decided to walk around to the other door because then I didn't have to walk out in the cold so long. So Steph and I were walking out and Ryan and his band were there about to go on. They asked us if we wanted to sing with them. I thought he was joking, but wasn't. So yeah, we went on and were supposed to go today(more later). Then I left and came home to work on my summative. Will had already arrived, and Alicia was over. We talked for awhile, they went to her house and I tried to get some work done on my summative. Two minutes before I had to leave for Dance Matt sent me question 5 of my summative back. I printed out a copy and looked it over on the way to dance. It was boring and pointless. I left dance fifteen minutes early to get some extra summative-work time. Re-wrote most of what Matt had sent me and then left for the Gym. Worked out mostly alone. We don't have enough money for me to keep working with Thomas anymore, since Matt and Will both need to finish next semester and neither of them have any money/scholarships. I'm literally heart broken. I'm so fucking upset/pissed off about it. Anyway, so I came home, asked Matt if Lauren was home and then called. He picked up the phone and got mad at me lol. I talked to her forawhile, around 11 and did the rest of my summative. Finished at 12. Ate some "supper". Went to bed around 12:30ish. Got up this morning and looked desperatly for some clothes. I really need to go shopping. I really need money and time. So we went to the morning rehersal. Talked to Ryan some. He gave me a present lol. We decided that we weren't going to go on with them anymore (big relief lol!) and then went on with the rehersal. After he came and sat with us and we had a "Pow Wow" as he says lol. He's hilarious. Anyway, the show started around 11:15. Our Theme Event kicked some major ass. We actually did really really well. We waited a long time, and then did our Story Event. I didn't think it was as good as before, but meh, it was still awesome. Then I wandered around aimlessly looking for Talor for fifteen minutes before giving up and going home. Came home and slept. Just been bumming around since. I'm getting really sick again. Matt's comming home tomorrow. I better check his room for my stuff so he doesn't kill me... Tomorrow's my last work out with Thomas.-cries- fighting the fears

Boo. [15 Dec 2003|23:23pm] [ mood x sick ] [ music x Good Enough-Sarah McLachlan..again ] I'm sick. Physically and mentally. I'm tired. Boo. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up... never... -sigh- fighting the fears

Hair Dying Experiment [13 Dec 2003|23:47pm] [ mood x sick ] [ music x Out Of The Shadows-Sarah McLachlan ] Hypothesis: Will red hair dye go over black hair? Conclusion: No. Other Conclusion: Lady at the store is a bitch. Other Conclusion: Die lady from store. Heh, yes, that was most of my day. It was spent with Kelly. First we got together, went to bank and then went to Store. Bought two boxes of red-black hair dye pour moi. Went to Kelly's. Played old school Nintendo for hours. Went to West Coast. Got two movies for our "Singers who shouldn't act marathon". Glitter and Gigli. Note to self: Don't ever rent again. We didn't even watch the end of either of them. Heh. We went to Shopper's, and loaded up on candy. Saw Matty and his dad in a van. Saw Jordan and Mikey walking. Gave them a dirty look. They followed us. Ran away scared-like. Met some creepy guy at the store. Ran away. He was so scary. Asked us if we had any smokes. We said no, so we walked away laughing, and I asked Kelly "I duno, do we just give off the smoker type vibes?". I was thoroughly confused. He went to two other girls and asked them the same thing. They didn't walk away (were in line for the cash). He kept talking to them. Here's part of the conversation: Creepy Guy: Do you think guys with braces are sexy? Girls: No, no, not really. C.G.: I think girls with braces are sexy ;) G: O...kay.... C.G.: You should get braces. G: Yeah...I'll do that right now... C.G.: You're already sexy though. G: Thanks... C.G.: Bye Rachel. G: ...Bye... It's funny though, because we asked them if they knew him, and they said no, and that neither of their names were Rachel. It was quite funny, yet scary at the same time. Anyway, that's all I feel like writing now so... 11twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

I Love You [13 Dec 2003|00:07am] [ mood x happy ] [ music x I Love You-Sarah McLachlan ] I have a smile stretched from ear to ear to see you walking down the road We meet at the lights I stare for a while the world around disappears Just you and me on this island of hope a breath between us could be miles Let me surround you my sea to your shore let me be the calm you seek Oh and every time I'm close to you there's too much I can't say and you just walk away And I forgot to tell you I love you and the night's too long and cold here without you I grieve in my condition for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so Oh and every time I'm close to you... Why is that exactly how I feel about him...??? 3twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

FUCK [12 Dec 2003|17:08pm] [ mood x frustrated ] [ music x Good News-Something Corporate ] Urgh. Someone get me the Hell out of here. This sucks. I hate my parents. I hate them. URGH!!! Why do I have to live here still?! Why are Matt and Will so damn lucky?! I wish I could just get out... Oh fuck... I just need out of here... I don't even care if they "care" about me or not anymore, I just need out! I can't live like this anymore... 1twisted tear [x]fighting the fears

92.50?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?! [11 Dec 2003|15:25pm] [ mood x crazy ] [ music x Crazy-Dave Matthews ] Well, okay. I hate her. She's so stupid. I'm glad I hurt her. But, I'm just going to shut up about it, because she doesn't matter. Anyway, now that I got that out, the rest of today was good. We didn't do Improv though, because we were watching the Elf Auction. My friends and I bought Joel, Del and Perry for $92.50. Those sexy mail men!! Del can deliver his package any time! Lol... Yeah... Now I just need the money. Ouch. It seemed like a good investment at the time... Lol, but it is, because it's going to the Snow Suit Fund. Umm what else happened... Nothing much. Del sent me this thingy and it's hilarious. Katie wrote "Note to self: Hump Troy" on my hand today =| ... Yeah... Lol. Tonight is Arts Night, so I have to be at the school at 6:45 ... the damn thing doesn't even start until 7:30. Then I'm going straight to the Gym, hopefully before 9. I have to work on my damn Summative alot now. I've barely started. I still have English work to do as well. Grrr... Anyway, that's it for now. fighting the fears

[09 Dec 2003|22:16pm] [ mood x crazy ] [ music x Little Dreamer-Dave Matthews ] Well... Let's see... Nothing of any major interest has happened lately. I hate the dances we learned tonight. They suck my ass. Donna's Step is Horrible. HORRIBLE. Jumping back to last night, it was amazing. All of last night. I went to the gym after school. Gord stopped at Subway for Troy, and I had to eat a sub. Now we're supposed to be doing that every Monday, but I don't like that idea, for obvious reasons and it's gross before a work our... I get all sick and icky. =(. Yeah, well... as I was saying... I had fun... -Sigh- Then I came home for a little while and went to skating. It was Joël's birthday. I had chocolate cake before practice. It was even grosser than the sub... I was spitting pink all night lol. There were three new adults last night, they're really fun. Helen, Brenda and Gautier (I think). Sarah was there, and reminded me of my appointment today. I went to get my feet checked and such, for orthodics. Appartently one leg is longer than the other. That's so... normal yet disgusting. I got my feet casted, and well... my tickle-ish-ness made the process hilarious to watch. I should get them next week. Shit. They have my shoes. Shit. Oh well, I'll talk to Sarah tomorrow at the party. I'm debating on whether to leave my hair black, or dye it red-black. I like it black, but red-black would be cool as well... Anyone wanna help me decide? Hmm... I'm also getting it cut =*( Just a little bit though. I won't part with my hair... I love it... I wonder if *he'll* like it red-black... I'll ask him next time we talk... Hee hee... Speaking of *him* I don't know what to do. I really like him... Does he like me...? And if he does, why is he like not doing anything? =( I wish he'd just ask... Or "randomly" bring it up again... But... It might be kind of weird... I don't want to ask him about it though, because if he doesn't like me like that, then it would be forever awkward. Boo. Someone give me some damn advice soon! I'm going crazy!! AHH!! Heh... Yes, well, that is all I suppose. SOMEONE GIVE ME ADVICE ON HAIR/HIM DAMMIT! =P 6twisted tear s[x]fighting the fears

Weekend=) [07 Dec 2003|23:24pm] [ mood x giddy ] [ music x The Dreaming Tree-Dave Matthews ] Wow, I had an amazing weekend. Jenn was so right. I love her. Because of what she told me, I got a PB by two seconds, automatically sending me to both Provincials and OWG's. I love you Jenn! I came in third overall in the 1500, wich is amazing, because I've never had good endurance, and I passes Sierra, and sprinted the last lap. How I did that, I'll never know. Never. I think Dave had something to do with it... I duno. It was amazing though. My 500 time has dropped to 55.6. That's about average for people my age. I talked to Thomas as soon as I got home. We're gonna try to knock off another 4 seconds by March. I actually have a chance at going to Nor Ams. That would be amazing. I'm so excited. I gotta go do homework though. More later. Oh yeah, Saturday night I went to Will's and we went out to some cute little pub. The food was good. I had a salad. Nancy had a bison burger. Ew. That is all... for now... fighting the fears

[04 Dec 2003|14:59pm] [ mood x bitchy ] [ music x So Much To Say-Dave Matthews ] Bitch-Fest time. I actually am having a really bad week. This always happens around the K-W weekend for some reason. Everything is just going wrong. Matt was kicked at skating yesterday, and got a huge cut from it. Quite a few tendons got cut, he sliced open a major vein, and the cut was down to the bone. He was treated by the same doctors who treated Cindy when her arm got sliced. He was in surgery for three hours yesterday, and he can't skate S.T. for a month, L.T. he can skate in a week. I feel really bad for him, this hasnb't been a really good season for him so far. I hope he might come home earlier though, if he can't skate. I miss him. Also, I feel really sick. I hate being sick. At the Gym on Monday I killed my legs, and back. Today I pretty much seperated my shoulder. I completely failed a Math test on Wednesday, and I even tried to get some help from Justin (although we all know how good he is -rolls eyes-). Tonight is going to be crazy. I have so many things to do. It's not even funny. I really shouldn't be on here, but I need some time to just get things together. Anyway, this is all until probably Monday....... fighting the fears

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